I’m at a loss of how to enforce the respect as he doesn’t really care if I pull away or do certain things. BPD isn’t that difficult to deal with once you have the right mindsets, knowledge and skills. You really need to establish your independence from the beginning because trying to get these people into a relationship is often a bad move. Even if you two are hooking up from day 1, this does not mean you lock her down. I really want you to read my dating a BPD girl article because it has a letter from a BPD woman describing how her husband is great and keeps the relationship calm and fun. Squash these feelings of loneliness, bored and love-seeking you have and you’ll begin to respect yourself a lot more.

The Possibility of Healing from BPD

Many people with BPD have experienced trauma or neglect in childhood, which can make relationships difficult as an adult. Almost the exact same idea appears as a caption on one of the many videos on the topic on TikTok – content under the hashtag #bpdisorder has amassed over 500,000 views at the time of writing. Much of it is people sharing their own experiences, sometimes with an injection of humour, and a recurring theme that comes up is heartbreak and toxic relationships. Contrary to popular belief, it’s possible to enter into a healthy long-term relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder, and while challenging, it can be worthwhile and rewarding. Dialectical behavioral therapy can facilitate this outcome.

The pandemic/being in lockdown together also contributed. It may not be her fault, but it’s incredibly difficult to deal with and you need to look out for yourself first and foremost. Not sure where OP is based but it’s worth noting that the waiting lists for DBT therapy can be years long. Just because she wants help doesn’t mean she’ll get it. However, encouraging her to talk about her low moods could be really beneficial.

Like many other people, I come with somewhat unsettling signs of borderline personality disorder , as well as a few non-consensual overshares. The question of whether to wear short sleeves or long sleeves, regardless of the weather, usually takes up the majority of time getting ready. First, it’s important to remember that despite these intense and disruptive symptoms, people with BPD are frequently good, kind, and caring individuals. Often they have many positive qualities that can make them great romantic partners some of the time. No matter how much you may reassure your partner that you love them, the BPDer harbors a constant fear that you will leave them. At the same time, their tendency towards mood swings will have them shifting from feeling totally in love with you, to feeling smothered and intimacy-avoidant.

Woman, 21, diagnosed with cancer after tiny dots appear on her skin

In fact, research shows that they may impulsively quit, or cut ties with important connections, then later regret it. Sometimes those who live with BPD can hyper-read the room. You and your partner may have learned different approaches to love, which can present unique learning opportunities for the two of you. Someone with BPD will experience these symptoms intensely and persistently and in many situations. Many of the core symptoms of BPD are things that most people can resonate with to some degree, says Mallory Frayn, a clinical psychologist in Montreal, Canada. © 2023 Healthline Media LLC. All rights reserved.

‘There were horrible notions people with BPD are manipulative’

And add another person who is emotionally instable, you’ll have the recipe for disaster and a lot of suffering. Reading all these comments just further confirms what I have been dreading these last few weeks. I’m so in love with this girl but she’s now starting to push me away and I’m afraid this whole thing is going to fall apart any day now. Yeah it sucks your relationship ended, but can you really say you wasted 27 years?

Your reply is candid and I appreciate you opening up and sharing about your life; it’s inspired me to return the gesture in my comment here. When he wants attention, he wants it then and there.. I know if I had my own circle of separate friends, I could play hard-ball right back at him, because I would no longer cater to his jealousy, or drop everything for him. He asked if it was ok, and i was blissfully happy with it. Sometimes I was secretly annoyed by someone that almost sits on top of you on the couch 24/7, but I’d rather an affectionate guy, than a cold one. When he was in the first year of honeymoon phase, i thought he was perfect.

Once I’ve done that, I make myself aware of why I am feeling this way; doing so helps ground me and it’s been an effective self-soothing method. It helps me notice what’s true right now versus what you’re afraid might happen in the future. Should I date and get negative thoughts, I know to use this method to cope. It is imperative to address these abandonment feelings, so that the borderline person becomes aware of them, understands their triggers and modulates the feeling. In this way, they can see their partner clearly in the present situation and not project their past wounds on their partner.

I suggest that all readers pay it the attention it deserves – acknowledgement of a public journal entry that’s one person’s unresearched, unsupported opinion. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. So if you’re wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup.

Understand that the three stage model for trauma-informed care works for all types of trauma survivors, regardless of diagnosis. Don’t pre-judge someone based on that person’s diagnosis. Every individual needs and deserves individualized care. Our successful approach to working with all clients requires compassion and holding – the same compassion we would offer to any other client with mental illness. Looking at these criteria from a trauma-informed perspective, we can recognize behaviors that all trauma survivors use to some degree.

I grew up in a loving but basically a religious, anti-sexual/anti-intimacy family and ended up having some major codependency issues. Codependency can be JUST as damaging as BPD behavior. Most of the non’s that get into relationships with BPD’s suffer from codependency. Just like BPD, codependency is a serious disorder and is NOT genetic — it’s due to upbringing. It’s usually caused by parents that put shame on being sexual and even intimate and being honest with your feelings.

Encourage High-Quality Treatment

I can’t leave him alone and be depressed, I love him and I’ll go through thick and thin with him. He’s also very supportive of my decisions in life. Sometimes we argue but when we do I assure him again that when he disagrees with me I WONT LEAVE HIM instead I HEAR OUT HIS http://datingrated.com/ SIDE and argue accordingly. It has been a rough yet loving journey for us. But I’ll keep supporting him in this battle, I am not asking him to change – all I ever make him feel is that he’s secure to talk to me about everything and no need to be afraid of losing me.

People with this disorder have a tremendous need to be loved, yet their excessive behaviors keep them constantly on the verge of losing that love. Their tremendous fear of being abandoned is exacerbated by their loss of love. These are symptoms of the disorder, not manifestations of callousness or an attempt to harm you.

Your own friends and family, work, exercise, volunteer work, almost any activity, and any person that helps you maintain your own self-esteem are invaluable in aiding your relationship. Someone with BPD may feel very isolated because of their past. Offer your partner understanding and patience. It is possible for them to learn and have better behaviors. Dialectical behavioral therapy is commonly used with people who have BPD. A therapist will help you learn to respond to emotional situations with reason and proper judgment.